The purpose of this blog is to say things I usually allow to go unsaid. I don't plan on using names and I need this to be a place I can feel honest, so talk to me if you feel upset. Additionally, if you dislike conversations about queerness, veganism, feminism, anarchy, body issues etc. and would rather fight with me then try and understand I suggest you stop reading now.
12/12/2010
12/03/2010
11/30/2010
11/29/2010
This makes really anxious.
I started this blog because I let a lot of my thoughts go unsaid. I have a hard time writing my feelings in a way that others understand. Often my intent is misunderstood leaving me frustrated, and my frustration turns into anxiety anytime I post or am about to post something. I wish I had a list of all the comments and messages I write but don't post, there are many, nearly all of them me trying to connect on a deeper level with those around me but bailing when I think I've said to much.
Something I have always (and probably will always) battle is a constant feeling of being alone. It's weird to talk about, I want to quickly delete the above statement. Even as close as my partner and I are, someone I describe as being the other side of my head, I perpetually feel...different? I overreact to small things and sometimes have no reaction at all to large things, but rationally I know I'm reacting wrong. I often seek reactions from people as a compass to what "normal" reactions are. I often feel that I embarrass or disappoint people by not reacting "normally". Ultimately I feel that I do a very good job on unintentionally alienating myself. I've even considered my radical beliefs as another protective barrier that I get to hide behind.
So, hopefully this blog will give me a safe space for when I feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. My disclaimer makes me feel very uncomfortable but I respect that some people I know are more conservative. I'll probably remove it after a few posts.
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